STRAIGHT FROM THE MUT

We had our first disaster with the baby the other night. Baxter (our jihadist dog) broke into the diaper pail. We came home and found poopie diapers all over the living room. When I saw him, I yelled at him, but he sat there just licking his lips. Like he had just finished a meal at Morton's. As I got closer to him, I realized he had poop all over his face. He literally had a shit beard. Imagine Moses, but with doodie instead of hair. This mother fucker gets steak and chicken half the time for dinner, and the one night he is stuck with plain ole Puppy Chow, he thinks he has to go searching for something with a little more “flavor”. So be warned. When a dog sniffs your ass, he’s not just saying hello.