Karo, I need your help.  LIVES depend on this.  You must read to the
end of this email to know what the fuck I am talking about.

First of all, through the glory of Jewish geography, we are practiclly
related.  I am from Huntington and went to Camp Wah-Nee, which had
plenty of your Plainview-JFK bretheren (I when I say bretheren, I mean
hot but snotty girls).  My Dad owned a sneaker store in the Woodbury
Mall that I am sure you shoped at, and I hate Syosset people, mostly
from soccer (I played at SUNY-Albany.  The Yeshiva of the North).  So
we're practically blood.

I have been reading your column for a long long time.  It's awesome.
All my freinds read  it, (and lived it).  We were all traders on the
AMEX, but easily the stupidest, drunkest bunch down there.

Anyway, this is beginning to sound like an email I'd send to a chick
on JDate, so I will get to the point.

While I'm not quite to your level,  I too have been writing shit down.
 You may have heard of something called a blog.  I've been writing
one.  Its starting to get a bit of a following.  While most of my
friends tell me it sucks, people are starting to email me telling me
they are reading it, and telling me their friends are reading it.  And
somehow, they are saying they love it.  It's fucking Karo-mania all
over again.   OK, maybe I am exagerating a little, but maybe 50-100
people are now reading it.

I want you to read it.  I think you will love it.  I've had a lot to
write about.  I am a Long Island ex-frat jewboy who works on Wall St.
(Well, LaSalle St, because I am in Chicago).  OK, that sounds a lot
like your column.  BUT, I am marrying a chick from Iowa.  She is a
small town Lutheran girl.  Her dad asked me once if Jews celebrate
Thanksgiving.  You see where this is going.  Plus, I am 30, so I am no
longer cool.

Listen, it's crazy to think that you will read it, like it, or respond
to me.  But if you DO read it, and you don't like it, email me, and I
swear on the On Parade diner that I will send you $1000.  Actually,
make it $100 only, just in case that actually happens.  I call
bullshit by the way that you personally read all your emails.  Anyway,
you could probably just fuck with me and get me to send you $100.

Eminem made 50 Cent.  Jon Stewart made Steven Colbert.  Sort of.  I
want you to work with me.  Or at least put me in touch with your
people.  To speak jew to jew, there is money to be made for both of
us.  Even if I am not ready for the big time, I know there is raw
talent here to work with.

Read my stuff.  Some will absolutely suck.  Some will make you piss
yourself.  I promise you will like it.  I have a clean, crisp $100
bill that says you will.

The site is www.straightfromthemut.com . Its not a fancy site, I just
use the free google blogger for now.  PLEASE make sure you read some
of the older stuff.  When you get to something that isn't funny, and
you'll get there, please keep going.

Think of this as an opportunity to expand your empire.  I am sure you
can use some Wharton business mind trick on me to get me to sign away
most of my profits to you.

Seriously, I think my stuff could be a great compliment to your
outstanding work.

Looking forward to hearing from you or your people.  And when I say
"your people", I mean your business managers, not the Israelites.

DMut