STRAIGHT FROM THE MUT

Well, it's been three long weeks, but I'm back.  Married, rejuvenated, and ready to continue my painful attempts at humor.

The wedding went pretty smoothly.  Although I kept waiting for Randi to realize what she was getting herself into, or at least her friends to try to wisk her out of the country, it didn't happen, and now I am a happily married man.

We managed to get through the interfaith wedding ceremony without too much trouble.  Although, some of Randi's family was thought the yarmulkes were funny little coasters.   However, the Hora was a whole 'nother story.  My in-laws just couldn't understand why a "such a religious song is being sung by a big black guy".

We came in for our first song, and it was nice.  We danced to "Yellow" by Coldplay, and if you haven't noticed, YOU CAN'T DANCE TO THAT SONG.  I seriously just wanted to sway back and forth and waive a lighter in the air.  I mean, you should have seen us trying to waddle around the dance floor. And of course, Mrs. OGR (who if you recall dances like Elaine from Seinfeld) was right in the front.  Nothing is a classier moment at a wedding than your buddy's wife yelling out "YOU SUCK" during your first dance.

I guess there really isn't a way around this, but the bandleader did a LOT of talking.  Introducing us, telling people their dinner is served, calling up our family and friends for their toasts.  Our guy actually sounded like a strip club announcer.  I knew his voice sounded familiar, but it was cemented when he called out "Grandma Ethel to the main stage, Jezebel up next."

When I gave my toast, I tried to really bridge the gap between the two faiths.  I think Randi's family really appreciated the gesture,  I am pretty sure  I scored points when I thanked them for opening their hearts to my family and people, "unlike the Europeans in 1942".

It was pretty interesting to see the gifts that my friends got us.  I could pretty much tell when they just gave their wife or girlfriends their credit card and let them take care of it.  I am guessing none of my friends would order me a silver platted chafing dish or spring scented bathroom potpourri, no matter what the registry says.  Anything other than grilling tools would be considered to be in the "that's being gay" category.  

Along the same lines are the weird gift combinations we received off the registry.  This obviously occurred when someone wanted to spend like $200, and the, say, knife set they wanted to get us was only $180.  They'd scramble to find a $20 gift to throw in as well. No matter how ridiculously unrelated they were.  So we'd get a knife set, and 3 napkin rings from one person, or like an All-Clad pizza stone and a couple of bath towels.  I think someone even got us a crock-pot and a lacrosse stick.  Of course, as long as it all came in one box, it is all easy to return, so no complaints!