STRAIGHT FROM THE MUT

So even before the big run-up in crude prices at the end of last week, I decided to do my little part for the environment (other than no longer oiling up before I bodybuild) and ride a bike to work. Its about 35 minutes and 6 miles. How the fuck do people do this regularly?!?! First of all, by the time I got to work, my legs were noodles and my nerves were fried from almost getting run over 11 times. But even worse, when I went up to the gym to shower and got undressed, to my horror, I realized my penis was actually inverted. And my balls were tucked up into my butt. I realized the bike seat wasn’t that comfortable, but I didn’t expect to end up looking like Buffalo Bill in The Silence of the Lambs. At least the only one that saw me was the towel guy in the locker room. The real embarrassment was being seen in a bike helmet. There is no way to look good in a bike helmet. Unless you a really hot chick, and are wearing nothing else. JMut saw me, and gave me this look of disgust usually reserved for a Marine's son when he comes out of the closet. I looked like a cross between Lance Armstrong and Rosie O'Donnell. Not sure I am going to wear it anymore. I'm starting to think that life in a coma may be the preferable alternative.