STRAIGHT FROM THE MUT

Sometimes, marriage sucks.  My brother, Kip and and some friends are heading to Vegas in October for the Sushi Samba grand opening at the Venitian.  Normally, I'd be on a trip like this faster than Ellen on Portia di Rossi's poon.  Instead I have to go to  Randi's grandfathers 80th birthday party in Frozencock, Minnesota.  These guys are going to be sipping cocktails off Perfect 10 model's tits, while I'm playing dominos in a VFW Hall.  They've got a suite; I'm staying in the community guest room off the lobby of the assisted living facility.  At least while they are losing at the table's, Randi's grandfather will be tipping me quarters every time I sneak him any bite of food his doctor says he can't have.  FYI, He pays double for salted peanuts.

Speaking of her grandfather giving me money, I love when he hands me a handful of singles and tells me to take Randi out for a special night.  Pops, there is only one kind of "special" night out you can have with a pocket full of singles, and being I'll be taking my wife, it aint gonna happen anyway.

And when did OGR make the women's softball team??